


Restarting YouTube

by Hbtrashandrants2013



Category: Hidden Block (Video Blogging RPF), Professor Juice
Genre: Caddick siblings, Gen, Hidden block, This is also a depressing fic, old works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:25:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7177274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hbtrashandrants2013/pseuds/Hbtrashandrants2013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Rosie Caddick's life is turned upside down after a tragic night in Fall 2013,she curses that YouTube is the reason why...</p>
<p>2 years later,at EGX she meets someone who shows her that she is wanted back and she decides to take the chance. A new start as Professor Juice...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restarting YouTube

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting this from Wattpad so I can put the sequel on here as I write it

1-An Accident That Changed It All

21st November 2013-Oxfordshire,UK

"Come on Rosie. It'll be fun,I'm on hiatus, so I don't have to work." Jim yanks my covers off me and pulls the curtains open. I'm on study leave this week,so me and my brother are planning to go out. Trouble is,I don't want to,my brother is extremely sick. Has been for the last 15 years. He has been in and out of hospital nearly all his life. His illness hasn't been that bad since 2011,but earlier this month,it all caught up and he became very unwell. It broken my heart to see him not want to be awake. But,he's conviced he's better, so I'll just keep my worries to myself. 

We walk down the street to my 2nd home:the entertainment complex. There's a cinema,arcade, bowling and other things. The reason its my favourite place is I grew up there;its at least 10 years old and it has never lost its charm. James joins me and we walk into the cinema. I look over to him to see he's very pale. It looks like he's going to have a attack. A seizure. I don't him too. He had one a few nights ago,and it scarred my mum and me greatly.

I hear a thud in the bathroom. "James is up there having a bath,can you see if he's OK?" My mum asks me. I agree and go upstairs. When I open the door,  
I see that James was lying on the floor,panting. His green eyes had gone very wide and he was shaking. He looked like he was going to flop on the floor. I screamed:"Mum! I think James has had a seizure." He realises I'm here and tries to cover up as quickly as possible."Jim,don't worry," I go get a towel and his dressing gown. Our mum comes out at this point. "Sweetheart",  
She said calmly. " have you had a seizure? " he nods,and I see that he wasn't talking,like it hurt to. My mum pulls him up into her lap and he faints there. She holds him tightly around his  
chest as he flops lower in her arms. I get up and search the cupboard. "I'll do that,can you get a cushion or something?" I agree and I go and get some. It's been 5 years. 5 years since a seizure. They can't return. He hates them. I go back to the bathroom to find that James is half awake,looking as petrified as ever,and our mum behind him,his back against her chest. I throw the pillow to her and she mouths 'Thanks,Ro' as she gets up and I take a seat next to my brother. She gets a pen-like needle and he goes stiffer. I don't really wanna watch my brother cry,but I know he needs someone next to him. My mum goes to get a band-aid  
(We call it a plaster in the UK) and sits in the other side if him. She uncaps the pen,revealing a thin sliver needle. I feel James get more unhappy,and I reach for his hand and holds it. "It's OK. I promise. I know you don't like it,but it'll stop them,and I know you don't want another one,do you? While I had his trust,Mum stuck it in his side;removes it after about 60 seconds and gets the band-aid and puts it over the hole. He screamed when she removed it to as soon as she had finish I leave;go to my room and cry. These can't return. It's too painful for the 3 of us. 

When the film had finished,we went to the arcade for a bit. James didn't look any better,but I know its my little sister reaction, and he's fine. We played for about an hour,before getting lunch,going to Game to set some preorder for some PS4 game James wants and left for home. Today,couldn't be made any better,it felt like we were kids again. "So,Rosie,  
tomorrow,will you be less worried,  
you now have proof I'm fine. That was a one off,I have been sick resently so it was no surprise". 

He was wrong, he wasn't OK. And when we got home,today turned into the worse day of our lives. He never saw tomorrow. That afternoon was our last together here on Earth. And we didn't know it...

After dinner,we decided to play some PlayStation. After 2 games of Tekkan and another of Crash Team Racing,I look over to James,who was panting. He was going to have one. I don't know what to do. I shout for our mum and run to turn the PS1,which was making a noise. I shout for mum again,but get no reply. James got weaker,he was trying to fight it:" Don't,let it happen,if you fight it,you'll make harder." I pull him onto the floor and let him have one. He did. About 30 seconds later he starts choking and I pull him onto his side and put a cushion behind his head. Moments later the seizures start. Uncontrollable jerks which must be painful. He's crying and I know. I go and phone 999,its safer that way,he needs to go to hospital. My mum comes into the room at this point and her face drops like a stone. We sit by James and wait for the paramedics to arrive in silence. Not saying a word.   
But when they do come,it was too late. The seizures had stopped,but his lungs and heart had as well. He'd died here,in his room on the floor. I hear the Skype tone. It's Jeff. I answer it and say one thing. "Jeff,he's not hear anymore. James is in heaven. There's no need to call,go back to YouTube..."

Did I mentioned that it was the worse day of my life? I know its my fault,I saw the sings of it and ignored it,listened to him. I don't deserve to be here tonight. James does..... 

2-My Hatred For The Site

It's been nearly 2 whole years. Since James death. I'm 19 now. Well,19 today. My cousin,Leah,has sent me a text titled:"You got until August and then you've beaten James." Everyone in my family finds that joke funny, but I don't. I'm sitting around Andy and Liam's flat, the 3 of us were playing Tekkan and eating cake. It's the first time I've sat down and played games for a while. I hate YouTube. Have for the last 2 years. Ever since James' death. Probably,all I want through I felt was YouTube's fault. 

Andy and Liam on the other hand,do. They found a new YouTuber from the North called HaleFail. Shes a pretty big PlayStation gamer like me. It's her channel's anniversary today and the boys want to watch it,so I join them.   
Helloooo, Gamers and Gameritas,its HaleFail. Now as its my channel anniversary, so I want to tell you about a big inspiration to this channel, and he never saw that one of his fans would set up a channel. His name was James Caddick or on YouTube Caddy or Caddicarus. I used to wait for his videos every weekend and I laugh at the jokes. But,sadly he was really sick in the Autumn of 2013,and passed away in the November, after having a seizure which stopped his heart. He was 19. Rosie,his sister,left YouTube,to  
never return. It's 2 years this year. I have one wish,is that one day I'll meet her and tell her how much I wish I could tell Caddy how his videos cheered me up. AIED (A/N:I made this up. It stands for Auto-Immune Epileptic Disorder. I don't think it's real anyway) is a horrible disease and I wish it doesn't exist, it takes people way too young. I just hope Rosie is OK and is coping with the grief OK. I always feel sorry for her. 

I look over to the boys. Their mouths are open. "I didn't know Rosie", it was too late though,I get my house and storm out of the house. When there,I walk home. I know Andy following me but I'm not going to give in and go back. I'm an adult. I can do what I want. Just because I have depression, doesn't mean I need to be babied. 

" Happy birthday Miss Rosie." He use to say that every time. I loved him. He loved me back. 

I also left. The boys want to take me and Liam's girlfriend Lucy to EGX in Birmingham in September. I don't want to go. It means seeing other YouTubers. VGfacts people. They don't understand. I can't go

Well,I'm going anyway. They won't not let me go. It's not fair. If they lost their sibling,I wouldn't make them go to a place that heavily reminds them of them. I know the AIED is the blame,but I always think it's YouTube. It was the last thing he did..... 

3-Convention and Convincing

EGX 2015. Birmingham. I walk around the floor,thinking of the times me and  
James spent in this hall, especially the last time we went,2 weeks before his death:*laughs* "Rosie,what do you want to do? We've got all day". His voice. I want to hear him laugh again. I start to cry again. It was 2 years ago. How was it that long? It feels like 2 decades. Liam turns to me:"We are going to meet HailFail. Wanna join?" I shake my head,but they still drag me along. Typical of them. 

But,when I saw her,the anger sorta went. She was wearing a Spyro shirt and she was talking to Shane. Shane Gill. Head of Did You Know Gaming. "Hey,Roe,long time,no see. How's the family?" I ignore him will Lucy looks at me with surprise. "Shane. Is that really her? Really Rosie Caddick?" Shane replies with 'Yes,of course!' as two other people join us:Dazz and Charlie. All of VGfacts are there. I can't take it. I run away. I can't see them all. It brings back some many memories. 

I run to the hallways between the halls. I sit down by a poster for the newest Call of Duty and start crying. "James, if  
you were still here,what would you do?  
You're were always so happy-go-lucky. Why did you have to leave,you might of been scared of everyone and convention, but at least you could talk to my friends and not run off like me..." The rest of sentence turned to tears. "Hey,you OK?" I look up. It's Lucy. "I guess seeing Shane and Dazz didn't really help", she sits by me and puts her arm round me. " I know you blame yourself for James' death. But things like this do happen and there's no way of stopping them. I felt the same way when my Grandad died. I saw it and could of help." I am starting to think she cares. 

Lucy convinces me to join her at the VGfacts booth. When there,I see that Liam and Andy had gone off. I hate then sometimes. "So,whys ya favourite PlayStation game,Rosalina,is that OK to call you that?" Lucy looks like an excited puppy. "Any of the rhythm ones. And yes,I don't mind you calling me Rosalina." She grins and we have a long conversation on PlayStation One games. I completly forgot about Jim. For the first time in 2 years. 

At the end of the day, Lucy saids somthing that I wasn't expecting to hear:"You should start a channel,you have the personality. Also,I think alot more people than just me would love to see your quickly persona one last time." I just look at her. I had no words. Me,a Youtuber. I wouldn't have the patience to do it. I rejoin Andy and Liam and we all leave for Oxford in complete silence. We have no words. 

I think over Lucy's idea. I hate that site,why am I having thoughts on returning? Maybe. Just maybe it's because of James. I always joked about me doing all the work and one I would make a channel. Maybe that day has come. Maybe the memory of my brother has pushed me to try. For him. So,newbies to HiddenBlock. To our part of YouTube. Can experience what was my brothers way of reviewing games. I don't think I could 100% recreate that,but I'll try for him. It's my only chance to while people still remember him. 

4-Professor Juice

I go up into the loft to get James' old YouTube equipment out. I dig through the boxes and find what I want. The tripod and camera. I go down the ladder,and back to my room. I charge the camera up and set up the set. This many actually be fun. I need a YouTube channel name though. Maybe I'll ask Andy or Liam. They probably have lots of ideas for this all. I'll phone them up,I need someone to talk to today. 

"What was that catchphrase use used to use all the time?" Andy laughs at me over the phone. "Who's got the juice!" I grin and say:"I'll have to use Juice somewhere" "What about Professor Juice?" Liam suggests while he was beating a boss in Skyrim. I thank him and I hung up. Time to choose my first Video...

I close the video editor. I have just finished the first Video I have ever made:a parody of a PS1 game. And and Liam had helped me. And something I didn't expect, it was fun. Very fun to do. It also made my forget about James for a bit...

"Hello,my juicy friends, and welcome to my first ever video. I hoped you enjoyed it as I did making it. Now, some if you older peeps may remember me from Hiddenblock,especially the Caddicarus Show. Now, I'm going to put that behind me. I feel that what I was a part of on James Caddick's channel is in the past,and I'm going to keep my character and get better!" 

I watch the video back,adding annotations when needed. This felt werid,I remember James used to hate doing them,but I enjoy it. Now,I'll need to think of some more ideas for the show and channel,maybe I'll do a mix of modern,Nintendo and PlayStation, that'll work,I think? I sit down and think what I've just done. I'm officially a YouTuber! 

I message Lucy later that evening, telling her the news. She congratulated me and we talk about games. She said she'll pass on a shout out on her channel to help push up me subs. I hope that the rest of Hiddenblock will do as well. 

After 2-3 hours,I decided to check the comments and likes. Most of them were typical YouTube comments,but some people did remember me and wish me good luck with the channel and some condolences to my family after Jim's death as they haven't been able to when it happened. I am starting to feel like it was a good idea to do this....  

"Miss Rosie,that was Jaws Unleashed!" A line from the last Caddicarus video I ever appeared in. It was a collab with Jirad on a game called Jaws Unleashed. It was one of the happy memories left from November and December 2013. It really wants me to be able to turn back time,like in Doctor Who or some other sci fi show. But I can't....

5-In His Name

19th June 2016 (a/n:Yes.I did a year jump. It may be useful, IDK)  
Today he would be 22. 22 years old. It's very werid to think this. I always remember him as a 18/19 year old. I could never image him as a adult. 

I upload my main video for this fortnight: Crash Bandicoot Marathon Review. It was a group effort from me, Lucy,Nico and LimeNinja (one of Lucy's friends) as a video for the older fans to remember what today would of marked. It's just the one thing that I'm using it to mark a celebration of Jim's birthday. None of my family want to mark it,it pains them. I,on the other hand,find marking this is a easy way to make my grief go away for a bit. 

I go to YouTube and looks at the rest of Hiddenblock's channels, a lot of them end with 'today is the only day people remember that HB is 6 members'. This makes me cry a bit. It's true. Most people don't remember James involvement in the site. That's a bit hard to accept... 

I go and check my comments to see that,yet again, I've hit a milestone 500K. Wow,this is werid. I never thought my channel would be that good... "*laughter, of course you will Rosie,you're amazing!..." His voice. It echos in my head when I feel sad. It was always happy memories, which is easier to hear than sad ones that I remember. 

I walk down to the local restaurant, Atomic Pizzia, to meet up with Olly and his girlfriend. I'm meeting Andy there as well. It's really werid thing to do,but its sorta like celebrating his birthday, just without him. I get the bus and go down to town.

"Hey,Rosie!" Olly's blonde haired hair pops up from the table by the arcade machine. I walk and join them and I ordered my food with them. We all talked about life and our jobs. Olly tells me some YouTube tips and stories from James and his filming experiences. We all laugh at this. 

When we got our drinks,Andy got up and said:"Let's raise a toast. To Caddy!" We all stand up and raise the toast. Zara stands up and gulps:"He would of been 22,wow. Who finds that werid?" We all cheer and I see Olly and Andy wipe tears. We all talk about James. For the first time in a good odd three years. Without crying or running away. Our grief is getting easier. We're moving on...

When I get a chance,I check my latest video's comments. All of them are very supportive and some made my giggle. The community around Normal Boots and Hiddenblock has never changed. They all see that I'm making my name and want to carry on. I show my mum the comments and she smiles. "The community is amazing Rosie then? They haven't forgotten about Him.." 

Mum brings in some Brownies in with two two candles in them. We sing happy birthday and we take the bits around them. The candle go out as we both cuddle together. He may be gone, but no one will never forget him. They will never forget James... What could make my memories better at this point?


End file.
